I am beginning to fear for the church. I feel like maybe my blog is a safe place to voice things that may be hard to say out loud and make sense at the same time. So I guess this is just going to be my word-vomit of questions, because in reality I don't have answers for most things.

I am beginning to fear, not the church itself, but for the church. I just read a blog this morning that shook me, because I keep thinking that I might be able to make the side of me raised by my culture and the side of me raised by the church mesh like old friends. But this blog shook me because I was upset by some of the liberal ideas contained within, and realizing I was upset just made me more upset that maybe I am being close minded. But then again I ask myself, am I? Or am I thinking with the Spirit when I read these things that I think are offensive to the very core of what I believe.

You see, I can absolutely, and do absolutely say that Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, that He loves you where you are, no matter what. Because God is love. Absolutely. He is real, true, relentless, full un-wavering, unconditional to no end, perfect Love. His love is of a magnitude that is impossible in our minds and it is holistic and healing.

What is scaring me, is that we are bringing up a generation (and already have a generation leading) that has been burned by a "religion" and so they take the cultured idea of Love, this idea that love is letting everyone do what they want, believe what they want, and say what they want and we all just smile at each other and pet bunnies, and run with it.

Saying that we should be inclusive is true, all should feel as though they are part of the beautiful story God is writing. But culture has invaded that and begun to tell the Church that everyone should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as we "love" each other, and if we don't allow that, we are horrible. But sometimes love truly hurts...

Saying that we should see each and every human as a human, full of life, love, loss, dreams, and fears is absolutely the epitome of what it means to begin to really love someone. But love is not stagnant. Love calls out love, and thus change. And though it is not our job to EVER change people, it is our job to spur one another towards change and release from sin.

I am sorry but I just can't get on board with love being this idea where "everyone is fine the way they are and lets just smile and listen to each other and then all go to heaven skipping and holding hands because we're all just fine the way we are and there are fluffy bunnies, which sometimes die so that is sad, but that is really it".

Love, true real love, does not mean accepting everyone and everything. I mean, I hope my friends NEVER do that to me. What horrible friends they would be! If I was doing something destructive to myself and others, I would want to know that someone loved me enough to tell me, if I was so oblivious to the harm I was doing. Wouldn't you? And then, would you not hope that, since it is so much more of a precious thing, they would do the same when it came to your soul? People are dying to be known, to know what is missing and to have the void filled. It will never come if we continue to live on each others surface instead of cleaning out the soul.

I can't hand out free passes and tell everyone they are okay. Mostly because I know I am not okay. I am never just "okay as I am." I truly don't believe life, or eternity for that matter, are measured in how much we are just "okay", or how much we are human. Or how much we accept ourselves. Religion is a hard word, so I won't use it. But I hate to use the words "loving each other" because I think we have forgotten what that looks like. I cannot trade in the real freedom I have been given to know I am never finished and that change is beautiful and springs from true love, for the plastic freedom offered by our culture. My soul and brain need a deep cleaning...