{because today is all we have}

my love,

because today is all we have, I want to be reminded why I chose you if we get tomorrow.

we fought the other day. we big time fought. we "almost-slept-on-the-guest-bed" fought. we wrestled up every last ounce of energy from our wits end, our long days, our deep need to simply just be with each other and our frustrations, and we word-vomit fought.

but today I am glad. today I am thankful for that fight.

Today I was reminded that at 17, the year before I met you, I had no intention of loving anyone...ever. I was reminded of my distrust, my independence, my ability to hide behind flirting, non-committing, and humor. but you saw through that...

today I saw our memory box, and the book of photos I made you from our first year.

I saw the 3-D glasses we have from our date to Meet the Robinsons. I saw the pages upon pages of letters you wrote to me. I found the pipe cleaner heart you made and hung from my rearview mirror when you borrowed my car freshman year. I found the tickets you made me for our first christmas, the ones that looked just like real Wicked Tickets. Only we didn't go that year, remember? We forgot...so we went when we got married three years later instead. My heart felt full, whole, and light.

Two days ago we drove home from you mother's house, and we listened to the playlist I made especially for us. Well, it was really for me. Because music+how much I love you+giddy feelings in the first year=feeling like I was literally the luckiest most loved girl in the world and nothing would ever make me sad again.

We listened to the song I first put on repeat (much to my roommate's dismay) when I began to fall in love with you. And I remembered the scariness of wanting to be with someone so much but the fear of it not being reciprocated. The fear of you finding me out and changing your mind, but in my heart knowing you were like the little bear's porridge: just right.

We listened to our first dance song from our wedding. I remember that day how LONG that dance felt! We didn't like everyone staring at us, because you, like me, would rather have our friends surrounding us in the fun than watching us have it. I remember knowing that I had never met someone who loved people more than me until I met you. I remember knowing I had never met someone more peaceful and kind than you.

And I remember how easy it was to trust you...

that had never happened to me before.

So I am glad we had that fight. Because it means I still trust you, possibly more now than ever. I let you see my uglies...and me super uglies. It means we still believe we are worth fighting FOR. It means that I know, in the deepest part of my heart, you love me with unconditional love that blows me away. Love I could never earn or deserve, so I feel safe. And I trust you.

And it means you will never let me sleep in the guest room, becuase at the end of the day, we are still one. Even when we may not want to be.

so...because today is all we have, I wanted to remind you why I chose you, even in the middle of a fight....