I loath fake things. A part from my years of obsession with Barbie and Ken's awesome relationship, created by none other than myself and my scary little imagination, I cringe in the presence of human plastics.
My distaste for human plastics has caused me to go a bit overboard...but more on that later.
What, you may be pondering to yourself, is human plastics? No, I am not thinking of lifesize barbie, rubber bands, or any type of prosthetic. I am not even referring to the ever popular lunch mate Tupperware. What I mean by human plastics are the people who, at some point much like me, created a comfy little plastic shell for themselves. One that projects what they perceive others want them to be, want from them, or think makes for a successful, stable, and well-rounded human functioning in the world.
Human plastics like to dance around issues like they are a fire and we are all cavemen, incapable of saying what we need to communicate in any way other than scowls and smiles. That is until we can't take it anymore and we get angry and start brandishing our clubs at one another.
And for some reason, though I have been trained by a culture that continues on this weird merry-go-round of not actually talking about anything and viewing vulnerability as weakness, I have managed to put my club down and hop off.
I don't mean to sound judgmental, so if it seems that way, I apologize, but, I just can't have one more conversation that doesn't mean anything. I can't dance around the fire and never have a REASON to have the fire in the first place. I can't only communicate by holding my tongue and scowling. And it makes me cringe to see other people caught in a place where allowing themselves to be a window is unacceptable.
As much as we like to say we are learning to be who God created us to be, or we are figuring it all out, usually what we mean to say is: "We're all just trying to manage the tension between hiding most of what we are; what we are passionate about and what makes us feel really alive, and looking the part we are expected to in our cultural norm. No matter what part of the culture we are talking about, it usually sounds something like that. Whether American business culture, family culture, church culture...we're always working so hard at fitting in, being unnoticeable, and not rocking the boat so that people believe we are under control and good citizens who recycle and appreciate people who shave on a regular basis. (side note: I acknowledge this is an extreme statement, and I am not saying standards are necessarily bad, in fact some are really awesome!)
We spend so much energy trying to be "well-rounded" that we end up becoming confused or bland. We lose spark, we lose touch with ourself and our God. We feel forced into some kind of a plastic shell, no matter where we are, and when we speak out against it, we are considered crazy, ungrateful, un-balanced, too emotional. But rarely ever is this act of defiance against the expectations considered a beautiful picture of someone really working to be who God has called them to be. Rarely is this seen as encouraging, or inspiring. Not until it pays off...in the very end. We envy and adore the people who manage to do this. I know I do...
I have such a deep need for you to know me, but mostly to allow you room to feel safe to be KNOWN.
And because I so desperatly want people to be FREE in Christ (now don't confuse this with doing what you want. Freedom in Christ, I believe gives us our identity which then causes us to be obedient and submissive to our God, which in turn gives us true freedom in our identity....etc etc. This is the merry-go-round I want to be on...) I sometimes overcompensate with excessive and unnecessary vulnerability. But I want people to flourish, and open themselves up so badly. I want people to love God in a way that inspires others, instead of making others want to take a nap of join a gang of cavemen.
So I burp, loudly. Long and drawn-out-like. Man-bear like. In public, with lots of people listening. I drink beer(s). And I'm a fan of not showering...in moderation of course. But I also love flowers...I love beauty and art. I love honesty, wherever I can find it. In color, nature, humor, and in dirt, burping and flowers. I love to defy what people expect from me, a white, middle class, twenty something living in a nice neighborhood, working at a church, married....I want there to be more to ALL of us than just that.
It's like trying to look in a window, but someone wallpapered it with magazine pictures and words that have nothing to do what's inside. I just want to punch in the window and get to the inside. I want to see what's on the inside. And I will burp until you let me...
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