Adventures in Car Land

Well my friends. It is that time of year again. What's that, you say? What time of year is it? O, well nothing you shouldn't have already figured out. It is time to celebrate National Car Problems Awareness Month. What? You have never heard of this wonderful holiday? Created in honor of all those who struggle with the whole steering a car deal? Well, let me explain how people in my culture celebrate this month, or rather, how I have chosen to celebrate over the years.

In 2004 I was awarded are real beut of a car. A total gem. Diamond NOT in the rough if you will. Thats right. A 1993 Dodge Dynasty Sedan, and yes the sedan makes all the difference. If the fringe of rust and caked on mud were not enough to win your heart, then please let me assure you that it came with the glorious pleather back window and the deluxe arrow head model.

To celebrate NCPAD that year I decided to break my garage door, not once but twice, with full throttle car contact. However, my loyalty began to fade after this first celebration.

As the years passed my celebration diminished...until the past few years. In 2007 I decided to go big or go home, and backed into a bush at full speed, breaking off my side view mirror. My attempts to further the joy of the day came when re-attaching my mirror with duct tape. Shortly after my car experienced some car profiling issues for the first time in its life...and was pulled over for appearing to be "creepy", "like a robbers car". It never recovered from this day.

The following year, my Dynasty was gone, and replaced by my lil Bishi. In celebration this year of NCPAD I drove my car to a weekend getaway. Although celebrating another holidy at the same time, my spirit of celebration rose up again on one fateful day and I lost my muffler in the middle of the road.

This year, I decided to make up for my "lost years" of celebration. I had to go all out. Pull out all the stops. Bring it like it has never been brought. So...Last month I put my celebration into an unstoppable motion. First, I rammed my car into a sidewalk and blew my tire. But this was not enough. So I locked my dog in the car for an hour and refused to know how to change a spare. The next day, I felt inspired, and so I rammed an immobile car sitting in front of me at a stop light. Feeling victorious but not yet having let my celebration reach its potential, I decided to really light a fire on this celebration year. I drove my car, full speed, 50 miles an hour into a corn field, without blinking. Don't worry, I left my hubcap to commemorate the celebration of a life time.

What will happen next year, on this glorious month? Stay tuned to find out. You never know what the celebration will inspire in me. Oh, and Happy National Car Problems Awareness Month, get out there and make me proud!