Why Thanksgiving matters...

If you took away the foods like homemade sweet potato casserole, pork loin and plumb sauce, cheesy potatoes, sweet pickles, pizza, beef roast, yankee fried rice, and cheesy rolls, I'd still love Thanksgiving more than most any holiday in the world.

I know many people would say this; that Thanksgiving is a day of giving thanks. And I say congrats on your deductive reasoning. But beyond this statement is something so much deeper that I re-learn every year.

See, growing up my life was always a bit unstable. Week to week we were unsure of my mom's income, of my dad showing up ever, of the stress level in our house. Things changed a lot, but I never knew it. Mostly because God saw to it that I was taken care of in every way.

My mom is the oldest of five (only four are in the picture to the right). When my life went upside down, they all came to the rescue. All of them including my grandparents. Not a single year goes by that I don't grow a little wiser, or a little more grateful for everything my family did for me and my brother throughout our lives. When there were no friends, they played Trouble with us or built puzzles. When there was no money for a babysitter, they signed up, played old records, danced, made mac and cheese and tucked us in with books and songs. When there was no food, my grandparents made large meals and we all ate together. When things were hard and stressful for my mom, my family took me on bike rides, lake swims, snow angel escapades and cookie making adventures. I NEVER went without; food or love.

Some of you who know me may feel bad for me at times, or think me unlucky for having a father with an incredible vanishing act, among many other qualities. To that I say: God is good. And perhaps you are the unlucky one. Perhaps you may never get to meet these incredible, selfless, loving people. Perhaps you may never see a family have such depth to their relationships, or truly care for one another in every way.

Why does thanksgiving matter? It matters to me because once a year I get to see the people who made my life worth something. Who made me matter. I get to eat and laugh and hug the ones who love me more deeply and consistently than any other person on this earth.

I give thanks because I have. I give thanks because God is provider. I give thanks because sometimes the hard stuff seems too big until God steps in, because often the hard stuff is what makes us find the good stuff. I give thanks because no matter where I live, I always have a home and a place.

A place

where I belong, where my roots are settled and strung deep in the ground.

If you live near your family, be grateful all the more at how much you get to see them. Give thanks for all they have given for you to be who you are today. Thanksgiving matters because, when you give thanks, you will learn how to truly give.

Giving Thanks...

A few little things I am perma-grateful for...

My hunky hubbs...

perfect orange pumpkins, and all things fall...

the most awesomest grandparents...

the kind of friends you could never replace in a million years...

fresh flowers.

my beautiful sweet Nola-pup...

my lovely, ornery Olive-pup...

my beautiful baby sister...

God is good.

more on Love...

I feel like my last post didn't do justice to what I think of love, even though I said too much (as I always do)

so...here are some lyrics that may help you understand what I mean, about the beauty of our mess, about trying our best, but seeing it through, because that is what it really is all about.

When the world welcomes us in, 

We're closer to Heaven than we'll ever know 

They say this place has changed, 

But strip away all of the technology 

And you will see That we all are hunters, 

Hunting for something 

That will make us okay.  

Here we lay alone 

In hospital beds tracing life in our heads 

But all that is left Is that this was our entrance 

and now it's our exit, 

As we find our way home. 

 And all the blood and all the sweat 

That we invested to be loved 

Follows us, into our end, 

Where we begin to understand.  

We are made of love, 

And all the beauty stemming from it. 

We are made of love, 

And every fracture caused by the lack of it. 

 "You were a million years of work," 

Said God and His angels, 

with needle and thread. 

They kissed your head and said, 

"You're a good kid, and you make us proud. 

So just give your best and the rest will come, 

And we'll see you soon." 

I am beginning to fear for the church. I feel like maybe my blog is a safe place to voice things that may be hard to say out loud and make sense at the same time. So I guess this is just going to be my word-vomit of questions, because in reality I don't have answers for most things.

I am beginning to fear, not the church itself, but for the church. I just read a blog this morning that shook me, because I keep thinking that I might be able to make the side of me raised by my culture and the side of me raised by the church mesh like old friends. But this blog shook me because I was upset by some of the liberal ideas contained within, and realizing I was upset just made me more upset that maybe I am being close minded. But then again I ask myself, am I? Or am I thinking with the Spirit when I read these things that I think are offensive to the very core of what I believe.

You see, I can absolutely, and do absolutely say that Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, that He loves you where you are, no matter what. Because God is love. Absolutely. He is real, true, relentless, full un-wavering, unconditional to no end, perfect Love. His love is of a magnitude that is impossible in our minds and it is holistic and healing.

What is scaring me, is that we are bringing up a generation (and already have a generation leading) that has been burned by a "religion" and so they take the cultured idea of Love, this idea that love is letting everyone do what they want, believe what they want, and say what they want and we all just smile at each other and pet bunnies, and run with it.

Saying that we should be inclusive is true, all should feel as though they are part of the beautiful story God is writing. But culture has invaded that and begun to tell the Church that everyone should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as we "love" each other, and if we don't allow that, we are horrible. But sometimes love truly hurts...

Saying that we should see each and every human as a human, full of life, love, loss, dreams, and fears is absolutely the epitome of what it means to begin to really love someone. But love is not stagnant. Love calls out love, and thus change. And though it is not our job to EVER change people, it is our job to spur one another towards change and release from sin.

I am sorry but I just can't get on board with love being this idea where "everyone is fine the way they are and lets just smile and listen to each other and then all go to heaven skipping and holding hands because we're all just fine the way we are and there are fluffy bunnies, which sometimes die so that is sad, but that is really it".

Love, true real love, does not mean accepting everyone and everything. I mean, I hope my friends NEVER do that to me. What horrible friends they would be! If I was doing something destructive to myself and others, I would want to know that someone loved me enough to tell me, if I was so oblivious to the harm I was doing. Wouldn't you? And then, would you not hope that, since it is so much more of a precious thing, they would do the same when it came to your soul? People are dying to be known, to know what is missing and to have the void filled. It will never come if we continue to live on each others surface instead of cleaning out the soul.

I can't hand out free passes and tell everyone they are okay. Mostly because I know I am not okay. I am never just "okay as I am." I truly don't believe life, or eternity for that matter, are measured in how much we are just "okay", or how much we are human. Or how much we accept ourselves. Religion is a hard word, so I won't use it. But I hate to use the words "loving each other" because I think we have forgotten what that looks like. I cannot trade in the real freedom I have been given to know I am never finished and that change is beautiful and springs from true love, for the plastic freedom offered by our culture. My soul and brain need a deep cleaning...

Oh My God...

"Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God"

Thank you Jars of Clay, you are what I need today.

This is never what I thought it would be, but better than I ever expected.

God has filled in all the would be holes in my life, and I have nothing left to do but say thank you.

So, thank you God.

You will always know me better than I do.

Things I do:

Thanks to Bittersweet, I am re-prioritizing my life. Realizing that no, I in fact am not Super-woman and so the search for the missing cape and lasso can now end. I see that I cannot do it all, but there are things that are incredibly important to me, so that means there are sacrifices to make in other areas. Nothing really comes easy, especially what you are passionate about, and now I must decide what its worth for me to do the "things I do". So...here are the things that I DO, blogland. Not that you actually wanted to know, but alas, I will tell you anyway.

Things I Do:

1. I make every conscious effort to love God in the best way that I can, and to always keep Him first. I am not saying that I actually do these things well...just that I make it a priority. I do the things that connect me to Him and keep me serving Him with my whole life.

2. I try very hard to do anything and everything I can to support, love on, and hang out with my bff, aka my hubs. I try to encourage his adventures, support his ideas, love him in a way no one else can, and give him the best of myself. I always want to put his needs before mine, and serve his desires first and foremost. And learn to say I'm sorry quicker each day...

3. Make every effort in my week to make time for the people I love. My community is so important to me, and I will 100 percent invest and immerse myself in those people. I do my very best to make each person on my "home team" a priority at least once a week. I want to encourage them, love them, and hear them to the best of my abilities. And it fills me up.

4. I will host any party or get together I can get my hands on. I absolutely love having people at my house. I love feeding them, decorating for them, talking with them, playing games with them. Every part is awesome. Seriously.

5. Always plan parties for my friends. I think you can fill in the rest of this with the above comments. But add in my best friends birthday and I am jumping for joy. I love throwing parties for other people, its my crafty extravagant fun way of saying "I love you, and so do all the people here!"

6. Drink coffee. Everyday. No matter what. I will find a way. I will drink coffee.

7. Stay up late to read a good book or finish a good show. I will sacrifice sleep for either of those things, no questions asked. I love a great read or an enrapturing story line. Totally worth a few hours less of shut eye.

8. Run at least three times a week. I know this sounds crazy, mostly because in High school I proudly wore a pin that said "I gave up jogging because my thighs kept rubbing together and catching my panty hose on fire". This was true for some time, until I discovered the joy of feeling like you are going somewhere. On the days I feel most stuck in my own life, or need to amp up the endorphins, running makes me feel like I am going somewhere, anywhere, like I can accomplish the impossible. Because believe me, it used to feel impossible to run. Now it is a happy addition of much needed inspiration in my week.

9. Take pictures. It makes me happy, it inspires me, and it is changing my outlook on the beauty and mess in life. I love it. It loves me. "Nuff said.