DEAR WORLD,
Hey, its me Caitlin. I have a few things that I thought you might like to know before I become a legit inhabitant of you, world (aka graduate college). There are a few things about me that maybe you should understand.
I am not perfect. In fact most of us that are followers of that man some of you know as Jesus, yeah we all suck at the whole getting it right thing. Really, I mean seriously, we stink like 5 stink bombs sometimes. I want to apologize for that. Sorry that I don't always love others the way I should. I'm sorry that sometimes I really do make the wrong choice and you have to reap the consequences of that. I am also really sorry that I don't have all the answers or explanations you seek, trust me, I wish I did. Truth is, I am just never going to be that smart.
But I was hoping maybe, if you can see past that whole part of me that doesn't get it right, you could see that I am trying my best to be who I am supposed to be and find my place in the world, too.
I also thought now would be a good time to let you know that I don't think I am ever really going to fit into this place...not college, just here, in life. Sometimes, on certain days I know exactly where I fit, but most of the time part of my insides know this isn't really where I belong. It's not anyones fault, its just that I belong somewhere else. Some people may get that, others may not, but my home isn't here. It's tough sometimes, and I don't always know how to let you into that part of me, but I will try.
I thought you might like to know that I don't always like you, but I truly do love you. All of you. There are things beyond my understanding in pretty much every part of this place, including inside you. That doesn't change the fact that who you are and what happens to you matters to me. I find you to be interesting, full of stories, surprises and lots of things I want to learn about. The thing is I get tired, just like everyone else. Sometimes I don't show you that I love you, a lot of times I am even mean to you or just plain shut you out. Sorry when that happens, but maybe every now and then you could help me remember, and maybe even remember with me, that I am just a person, just like you.
I love the idea of live and let live, but in practice it just doesn't always work. See the thing is, as harsh as it sounds to your ears sometimes, I really believe what I believe. So sometimes, it hurts my heart when I see some of the things I do, or hear the words I hear. I don't want you to think I am judging you, remember we are all people here. I just want you to have the joy and hope that I do, thats all. Maybe if you begin to see it that way, you will begin to understand a little better. If not, thats okay too, I still really care about you and everything in your life.
Lastly, I am not very good at much. I am really nothing spectacular or earth-shattering. Jaws don't drop in my presence, that is unless you count the times I make a fool out of myself in my dance videos. Hey, I just love to laugh and have fun though. But back to the subject. I may not have much to offer you as I enter "real inhabitant-ism" but please try not to hold that against me. I am still just learning, and seeing life through new and changing eyes. I have only just begun to understand myself. I have a long way to go and maybe, just maybe, you could be a little patient with me while I figure it out.
I hope we can stay friends, that we have many adventurous encounters and loving embraces. I hope we learn a lot about each other and begin with patience. Anyway, that was about it, for now I guess. This is only the beginning...
Thanks for listening. I suppose I will see you soon!
Caitlin
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