conversations in cars...

Is it just me, or do all the best conversations and all the best realizations seem to happen in cars?

If i think back along this weird, long, mostly tiring but always exciting journey I have had so far,

almost every moment that stands out to me

seems to have happened in my car. 

Or next to it.

Or right after I got out of it.

Or it had something to do with a car...

Somehow I think it has something to do with feeling a sense of freedom, just for a moment,

from everything else going on. 

Like by going that fast, in my car, I have the power to just keep going.

Or to change my mind. 

And I have peace from chaos.

Where I can just listen to God and watch the world from my safe (umm maybe not so safe when I am driving) little box of a car. 

And so in those moments, I feel this rare sense of honesty. 

With myself and the people who happen to be in the car with me.

Ha, sorry if you were one of those people. Rare honesty with me can be an awkward place.

A place where I can say everything. 

Or play a song that says it for me. 

Welcome to my brain......

so there is this kid...zach...

Everytime I get on facebook, there is this guy, Zach Wathen, who always blows me away with his status updates. He is one inspiring guy... every time he shares my spirit feels encouraged and light. so I thought I would share one...

Time is so valuable.. how wonderful is it that we're all alive right now.. that we have another second to live. Do not let the mistakes and sins of your life take away from the eternal love Gods wants you to accept... it's in his living water that we can forever drink and Live and Love together.. all of us! We're all here to help one another, so look for someone to Love. Forgive and be forgiven. We are all beautiful.

peace.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:67

My recent struggle with anxiety has lead me to a place that I recognize I cannot get myself out of. But it has lead me to a place of understanding a little more about grace.

My homework for counseling last week was to find people in the Bible who didn't deserve grace, yet received it anyway. I think I almost read the whole Bible. 

And see in myself a piece of each of these stories. 

A part of my soul begging that God grant me grace, for nothing I have done has earned an ounce of it. 

It is hard for me to forgive myself. I usually don't believe I could be given much  more than the grace of God. 
And even though His entire story is a story of redemption, I often believe I am beyond it. Most days my anxiety yells to loud for me to hear that He loves me no matter what. 

Time and time again God gives me an abundance of things I have never earned. 

And I am reminded that the economy of the Kingdom is so different and so difficult to understand. 

So, my prayer, and the summation of my homework is this:

That I always be someone who looks beyond the surface.

That I always grant myself the same forgiveness that my God has granted to truly live in His freedom as He has called me to.

That I love first and always. 

That I strive to seek God's heart all the days of my life.

That forgiveness sits on the tip of my tongue.

And that God may grant me a peace beyond all understanding. 

granola at heart

I am a granola lovin, earth huggin, maple leaf astonished girl at heart. Can't help it, but I think I know why.

I think I know why nature is so overpoweringly beautiful to me. Why it seeps into every corner of my soul, why something about it gives me peace and teaches me something that was mysterious to me before.

Nature reveals to me when I am being an Atheist Christian. When I believe that God is real, but I forget the rest. When I forget who God is, not just what I think He is.

When I forget how big He is, I am reminded by the pine in my back yard how incredible small and fleeting I am. When I forget how much love flows out from Him, how all encompassing and complete it it, I look at the delicate things: the flowers, the honeybee, the ant. I look at the food I get to eat, the garden I am cultivating in my own back yard, each plant grown from a small single seed. And I see the abounding love of my God. I see the provision and delight my God possesses for us.

And when I wonder if I will overcome, if I will fight the same battle with fear for the rest of my life. When I wonder if I will ever remember what it feels like to be free or to breathe deeply with no fear in my bones, all I have to do is shuffle into my own back yard, lay down in the sweet cool grass and stare up into the enveloping skies. I see the bigger point then. I know the bigger story then. And I know we; He in me, has already won.

So maybe I am a hippie at heart. Myabe I will bake you some homemade bread, or grow my own tomatoes. Maybe I do love all things organic. But I think it is because God made me to see Him that way. God made me to see how everything we touch, taste, and see all connects back to the bigger story of who He is, and, oh how much He loves us.

Nature. Creation, to me is the start of the story. Yes, that story of oh how much He loves us.

So pass the darn granola...and go hug a tree.