peace.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:67

My recent struggle with anxiety has lead me to a place that I recognize I cannot get myself out of. But it has lead me to a place of understanding a little more about grace.

My homework for counseling last week was to find people in the Bible who didn't deserve grace, yet received it anyway. I think I almost read the whole Bible. 

And see in myself a piece of each of these stories. 

A part of my soul begging that God grant me grace, for nothing I have done has earned an ounce of it. 

It is hard for me to forgive myself. I usually don't believe I could be given much  more than the grace of God. 
And even though His entire story is a story of redemption, I often believe I am beyond it. Most days my anxiety yells to loud for me to hear that He loves me no matter what. 

Time and time again God gives me an abundance of things I have never earned. 

And I am reminded that the economy of the Kingdom is so different and so difficult to understand. 

So, my prayer, and the summation of my homework is this:

That I always be someone who looks beyond the surface.

That I always grant myself the same forgiveness that my God has granted to truly live in His freedom as He has called me to.

That I love first and always. 

That I strive to seek God's heart all the days of my life.

That forgiveness sits on the tip of my tongue.

And that God may grant me a peace beyond all understanding.