Full of Lies...

My hopes in the promises made to me by society are often brought crashing to the ground when I realize the truth behind it. In the hope that I am not too late in reaching you, dear reader, I will shed some light on the lies we are fed.

Full of lies #1: "Gap Jeans - A perfect fit for everyone". I think what Gap meant to say was, "A perfect fit for anyone who is not the average height or weight of this country". Because last time I checked, if you are going to make jean promises at all, which is a dangerous promise to make in America, you might seriously want to consider making one that fits the majority of humans. But hey, who knew you were only going to make that promise to the 5% of the world? Not I...sadly enough. I left empty handed realizing my only options were to swim in them, or flood in them. Too many water references.

Full of lies #2: "Look smart, pay less." - Dear Payless, I have a new slogan for you. "Come with high hopes, leave with disappointed dreams." I always see your commercials and salivate over the cute and trendy shoes you dangle before my face. Eventually I am tempted enough to venture out to your store where, sadly, I find shoe boxes full of lies. What happened to the cute trendy shoes? Why do you have 1 million boxes of hot pink and black tennis shoes by some random company, and only 1 pair of sandles left in a size 45? Thus, I leave the store empty handed, unable to take advantage of the BOGO deal.

Full of lies #3: Skinny jeans. I mean seriously...I don't think I need to say more. A glorified low-rise version of the mom jean that I have desperately been trying to make look trendy on my body for two years now and have failed at every time. I have a request. Can we end this trend? I mean I love the fact that I can wear my jeans in my boots, but I am willing to trade that for a jean that doesn't make me look like I just ate an entire chocolate cake all by myself. I just want a trendy jean that I can wear with my boots that fits the curvies. Too much to ask? Perhaps we could introduce a jean called "The average jean".

Full of lies#4: Target. You were my first love. Yet sadly, it seems that year after year your prices go up, and your selection goes down. Where oh where are the throw pillows of excellence and cuteness that used to line your hallowed halls? Where are the bedspreads of unspeakable glory at amazingly low prices? Where are your exceptional smelling artistic candles for not an arm and a leg? What happened to you target? You have lost sight of your meaning...and I believe I can help. You have two options, end the slogan "Expect more Pay less", or actually get more and let me pay less. I miss our relationship Target...can we work this out?