The Up Word

I was dozing off last night and thinking, as I usually do, at this most inopportune time. I usually have some of my biggest revelations right before my 8 hour coma is allowed free reign...thus losing most of these thoughts. This time, however, I repeated my revelation to myself several times in hopes it would stick.

I was pondering the word up. Why in the world does everything end in the word up? I am sure it is partially because I am a mid-westerner and we end every phrase in a preposition (shame on us terrible grammar users), but it was so intriguing to me. Zip up your coat. Buckle up for safety (beep beep) buckle up (anyone?)! Pump up. Measure up. Get up. Give up, grow up. (what is even funnier is realizing the definition of these words ending in "down", haha).

It seems that here in America, the hard working, tough as nails, self-made man, still offers some things up to the unknown. Ending these phrases in "up" makes me think that, possibly, we are releasing them in some way, releasing the definition of these words into "the abyss" to see what there damage and/or triumph will be. You see, every one of us has a small part inside that allows us to see that in fact, things never are what they seem and we cannot control that. In effect, it is as if, in our terrible grammar, we are giving up a tiny piece of the control we try and cling to in hopes of some semblance of order.

The funniest thing to me is, that of all the phrases to release, "grow" is the most vital. I have had to let this word take its course in my life, but until recently I have not understood what having no control over this word truly looks like. I am 23 and nowhere near who I thought I would be or where I thought I would end up at this point in my life. Working a job that I am essentially clueless about, being a newlywed and figuring that whole situation out, watching the people around me morph from schoolmates, to wives, to mothers in mere years, and finally accepting what looks to be the responsibilities of adulthood.

Even though I am sure everyone did their best to prepare me for this, I feel like looking at the world and saying "My, my grandmother, what big teeth you have", only to hear the response "All the better to eat you with my dear." Yes, I said it, I took it there. Everyone keeps telling me, "well Caitlin that is just life", but you know what, that doesn't mean I don't get to be momentarily stunned by how oddly my life is turning out.

But, I suppose, as you say, that is, indeed, life. And I must...oh what's the word...grow up? I must offer up my hope in the unexpected that is the definition of this phrase. And I must take life as it comes, every opportunity I can, cling to the idea that there will be a triumph in the end, and see that losing control is sometimes the best adult medicine there is.