Dear Pedestrians:

Contrary to your belief that you are invincible, or the center of the universe, or both perhaps, you are not. I was going to try and break it to you gently, however, gentle left my body when you decided to stroll your little heart out across every street in the universe and never look left or right.

I mean, did you not go to preschool? Were you sick on the days when they taught you how to walk across a road? Have you ever driven a car? Have you ever even seen another human? Perhaps not, and if this is the case let me give you a few pointers on how to survive the next few years of your life with all your limbs attached.

1. Look both ways. If you had someone in your life that was older than you by ANY amount of time, you should have heard this phrase at some point. If not, you must be super annoying and they withheld this gem of advice from you. But seriously. Look. Both. Ways. Step one to life survival, we all learned it age five, and you, apparently, did not.

2. People are not thinking about you as much as you think they are. You are not a celebrity, therefore, when you walk casually out in the road with your hair blowing in the wind, no one is turning to stare wide eyed and mouth open. And if they are...its probably because they can't believe that you just waltzed in front of their moving vehicle as if you were the Hulk and could stop a giant box of steal with the wave of your hand. Hence, a refer back to survival step one. Look. Both. Ways.

3. Stop. Seriously...if there is a car coming and you are on the edge of your seat with impatience to cross the road, take a moment and reflect on your life. In that moment of reflection, guess what, the car has passed and you may proceed. It happens that quickly. Shocking, yes, I know, the speed at which a car can move. I know that you may be having feelings of uproarous indignation at the moment about human rights and "right of way for pedestrians". Your body is easier to stop than 1000+ pounds of forward moving metal. Trust me, I took physics.

4. Do not presume that I am a psychic. I have never claimed to have such powers, although I appreciate that you think I am just that awesome. If you jump out from behind a parked van to aimlessly wander the road like a lost dog, do not turn haughtily on me with rabid stares because I had to slam on my breaks. I could not see you. Do I look like I have 12 eyes? Because I do not. Remember when you were a kid and you played hide and seek and you thought if you closed your eyes, the person searching for you couldn't see you because you couldn't see them? This is only true in this instance. If you are behind a giant van and cannot see past it, chances are, although my psychic skills are progressing, I still have no idea you are hiding back there waiting to surprise me like it is my birthday. Please do not assume that I will magically know the precise moment you decide to march across the street without looking...I would love for you to continue in your life. Help me help you.

Well kids, I hope todays lesson has been both educational and fun! See you next week.