Stories to tell...

I read this question today. "Looking at 2010, what has God made known to you, what have you learned." Because those lessons will shape who you are, not just in 2011, but for the rest of your life here.

So I thought maybe I will think through some of the things that have shaped me this year, old or new lessons, to see what God is doing right now. Mmmm I love a good reflection. Getting out my soul mirror...

1. "The only way we can truly authenticate ourselves as seekers and followers of Jesus is to measure ourselves by the life and teaching of Jesus. not by our leaders or our doctrinal statements--just Jesus. Not by what church or organization we are part of, but Jesus Himself." (Floyd McClung)

I am not sure there is much else to say here. If I could write a sentence to sum up what brings my soul to life, how I want to love people, what I wish the world knew about followers of Christ, and the foundation in my life that grows ever stronger as time passes, it would be this sentence. Too bad Floyd beat me to it. Seeing this, feeling the ache to do this in my soul, I regard it as the most challenging task that I have ever undertaken. Why? Because absolute truth is almost always skewed by opinion and interpretation. I am in no way claiming to know everything, in fact I am sure I know less each year. (Or maybe I just always knew this little and each year it becomes more obvious). Regardless. Jesus is not easy. Sacrificing wouldn't be sacrifice if it was easy to do. Escaping the idea of normalcy is an incredible task, but I just hope that I can continue to realize and live the idea that "it is for freedom Christ has set us free." It grows a bit harder each year and more inexplicably full of joy with each passing day. I love my God, I only hope that my life will emulate the love and truth He holds.

2. Faithfulness. This word is precious to me. Because over and over again, He has proven that my God is still my God, no matter the season or circumstance. Thank God. When I am a crazy; my God is still my God. When I am unsure and anxious; my God is still my God. When I am mean and nasty and hurtful; my God is still my God. When I am excited and sharing in joy and His presence; my God is still my God. Know why that is awesome? Because He is so much bigger than it all. He is master designer, creator, wisest of wise. I don't have to be anything for Him to be God. He has delivered me from living in condition. He gave me a husband who will be ever faithful and the truest of friends. He has given me friends who can forgive a multitude of mistakes. He has shown me in my scariest soul searching moments that He is conquerer and provider. In essence I am an ant trying to lift a log, instead of sit on one. And here comes a weird little kid who picks it up for me and moves it. Awesomeness. THanks for moving my logs, Jesus. (Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for He who promised is FAITHFUL. -Hebrews 10:23)

3. Be where you are, no matter where that is. You may hate every second of it, but always know, there is something to learn here. And as ugly as you feel in those refining, sucky moments, as much as you feel like that awkward girl in braces at her first middle school dance, you are more beautiful than ever as you grow.

4. Sometimes, it is good to think long and hard before you speak. Words are more powerful than ever, in an era where spoken words are few and far between. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Put passion in your words because people will see who you are, and love well as you speak. But always, always, always use the brain God gave you, and think before you speak. You never know what your words could mean to someone.

5. I want a tree tattoo. I have always loved trees. But deeper than that. I have always loved trees in scripture. I love nature, I love that God crafted it with meaning and inspiration. It is like poetry to me, like meaning being hidden and twisted into each blade of grass, each leaf, each rock or piece of bark. But trees. O trees. They carry the most meaning to me. A tree is always a tree. It may have blooming periods, dark empty periods, barren or fruitful times. But a tree is always a tree. It continues to grow up towards the sky and down in the earth. It comes in many shapes and sizes, all with a different purpose and leaf. They may get sick, or be hospitable to a lonely animal. They are good for sitting next to or leaning on. They have secrets and adventure for you. I love trees. If I wasn't a human, I think I would be a tree. Because through it all, to my God, I will always be a "me-tree". No matter what season, how much growth, what my purpose, I will be full and content knowing that in His eyes I am always beloved, purposeful and beautiful. And knowing that even still, my God is my God.

Though the fig tree should not blossom

And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places. (Habakkuk 3:17-19)

I love that there are so many pages unwritten.

In this story of my life, of our life, of God's story and plan.

I love that there is a "yet to be"...

there is more and I cannot stand in the way of that

There is so much about me that I know will never be good enough.

But thank God. Because I suppose He is good enough.

"I won't always love these selfish things..."

I am haunted. By something that is not mine.

But He is bigger. And thank God that He is.

I am learning that I am so crafted and unique, that I am who I should be.

I will not apologize for that ever again. Because

God has made me beautifully me.

And being "well-rounded" is not in the cards.

And I love that.

not so long ago...and not so much has changed.

DEAR WORLD,

Hey, its me Caitlin. I have a few things that I thought you might like to know before I become a legit inhabitant of you, world (aka graduate college). There are a few things about me that maybe you should understand.

I am not perfect. In fact most of us that are followers of that man some of you know as Jesus, yeah we all suck at the whole getting it right thing. Really, I mean seriously, we stink like 5 stink bombs sometimes. I want to apologize for that. Sorry that I don't always love others the way I should. I'm sorry that sometimes I really do make the wrong choice and you have to reap the consequences of that. I am also really sorry that I don't have all the answers or explanations you seek, trust me, I wish I did. Truth is, I am just never going to be that smart.

But I was hoping maybe, if you can see past that whole part of me that doesn't get it right, you could see that I am trying my best to be who I am supposed to be and find my place in the world, too.

I also thought now would be a good time to let you know that I don't think I am ever really going to fit into this place...not college, just here, in life. Sometimes, on certain days I know exactly where I fit, but most of the time part of my insides know this isn't really where I belong. It's not anyones fault, its just that I belong somewhere else. Some people may get that, others may not, but my home isn't here. It's tough sometimes, and I don't always know how to let you into that part of me, but I will try.

I thought you might like to know that I don't always like you, but I truly do love you. All of you. There are things beyond my understanding in pretty much every part of this place, including inside you. That doesn't change the fact that who you are and what happens to you matters to me. I find you to be interesting, full of stories, surprises and lots of things I want to learn about. The thing is I get tired, just like everyone else. Sometimes I don't show you that I love you, a lot of times I am even mean to you or just plain shut you out. Sorry when that happens, but maybe every now and then you could help me remember, and maybe even remember with me, that I am just a person, just like you.

I love the idea of live and let live, but in practice it just doesn't always work. See the thing is, as harsh as it sounds to your ears sometimes, I really believe what I believe. So sometimes, it hurts my heart when I see some of the things I do, or hear the words I hear. I don't want you to think I am judging you, remember we are all people here. I just want you to have the joy and hope that I do, thats all. Maybe if you begin to see it that way, you will begin to understand a little better. If not, thats okay too, I still really care about you and everything in your life.

Lastly, I am not very good at much. I am really nothing spectacular or earth-shattering. Jaws don't drop in my presence, that is unless you count the times I make a fool out of myself in my dance videos. Hey, I just love to laugh and have fun though. But back to the subject. I may not have much to offer you as I enter "real inhabitant-ism" but please try not to hold that against me. I am still just learning, and seeing life through new and changing eyes. I have only just begun to understand myself. I have a long way to go and maybe, just maybe, you could be a little patient with me while I figure it out.

I hope we can stay friends, that we have many adventurous encounters and loving embraces. I hope we learn a lot about each other and begin with patience. Anyway, that was about it, for now I guess. This is only the beginning...

Thanks for listening. I suppose I will see you soon!

Caitlin

relentless tenderness...

"What causes most trouble for Christians of all ages is not legalism or lack of faith or theological controversies; it is Jesus Himself, who bestows freedom so openhandedly and dangerously on those who do not know what to do with it. The church always gets panic-stricken for fear of the turmoil that Christ creates when He comes on the scene; and so it takes His freedom under its own management for the protection of the souls entrusted to it, in order to dispense it in homeopathic doses when it seems necessary. The church claims to represent Jesus on earth, but in fact it often supplants Him. It must tremble in all its joints when confronted with his portrait. Ecclesiastical traditions and laws have domesticated Jesus and today all the churches are living off the success of the attempt. "

-Ernst Kasemann

Why Thanksgiving matters...

If you took away the foods like homemade sweet potato casserole, pork loin and plumb sauce, cheesy potatoes, sweet pickles, pizza, beef roast, yankee fried rice, and cheesy rolls, I'd still love Thanksgiving more than most any holiday in the world.

I know many people would say this; that Thanksgiving is a day of giving thanks. And I say congrats on your deductive reasoning. But beyond this statement is something so much deeper that I re-learn every year.

See, growing up my life was always a bit unstable. Week to week we were unsure of my mom's income, of my dad showing up ever, of the stress level in our house. Things changed a lot, but I never knew it. Mostly because God saw to it that I was taken care of in every way.

My mom is the oldest of five (only four are in the picture to the right). When my life went upside down, they all came to the rescue. All of them including my grandparents. Not a single year goes by that I don't grow a little wiser, or a little more grateful for everything my family did for me and my brother throughout our lives. When there were no friends, they played Trouble with us or built puzzles. When there was no money for a babysitter, they signed up, played old records, danced, made mac and cheese and tucked us in with books and songs. When there was no food, my grandparents made large meals and we all ate together. When things were hard and stressful for my mom, my family took me on bike rides, lake swims, snow angel escapades and cookie making adventures. I NEVER went without; food or love.

Some of you who know me may feel bad for me at times, or think me unlucky for having a father with an incredible vanishing act, among many other qualities. To that I say: God is good. And perhaps you are the unlucky one. Perhaps you may never get to meet these incredible, selfless, loving people. Perhaps you may never see a family have such depth to their relationships, or truly care for one another in every way.

Why does thanksgiving matter? It matters to me because once a year I get to see the people who made my life worth something. Who made me matter. I get to eat and laugh and hug the ones who love me more deeply and consistently than any other person on this earth.

I give thanks because I have. I give thanks because God is provider. I give thanks because sometimes the hard stuff seems too big until God steps in, because often the hard stuff is what makes us find the good stuff. I give thanks because no matter where I live, I always have a home and a place.

A place

where I belong, where my roots are settled and strung deep in the ground.

If you live near your family, be grateful all the more at how much you get to see them. Give thanks for all they have given for you to be who you are today. Thanksgiving matters because, when you give thanks, you will learn how to truly give.

Giving Thanks...

A few little things I am perma-grateful for...

My hunky hubbs...

perfect orange pumpkins, and all things fall...

the most awesomest grandparents...

the kind of friends you could never replace in a million years...

fresh flowers.

my beautiful sweet Nola-pup...

my lovely, ornery Olive-pup...

my beautiful baby sister...

God is good.

more on Love...

I feel like my last post didn't do justice to what I think of love, even though I said too much (as I always do)

so...here are some lyrics that may help you understand what I mean, about the beauty of our mess, about trying our best, but seeing it through, because that is what it really is all about.

When the world welcomes us in, 

We're closer to Heaven than we'll ever know 

They say this place has changed, 

But strip away all of the technology 

And you will see That we all are hunters, 

Hunting for something 

That will make us okay.  

Here we lay alone 

In hospital beds tracing life in our heads 

But all that is left Is that this was our entrance 

and now it's our exit, 

As we find our way home. 

 And all the blood and all the sweat 

That we invested to be loved 

Follows us, into our end, 

Where we begin to understand.  

We are made of love, 

And all the beauty stemming from it. 

We are made of love, 

And every fracture caused by the lack of it. 

 "You were a million years of work," 

Said God and His angels, 

with needle and thread. 

They kissed your head and said, 

"You're a good kid, and you make us proud. 

So just give your best and the rest will come, 

And we'll see you soon." 

I am beginning to fear for the church. I feel like maybe my blog is a safe place to voice things that may be hard to say out loud and make sense at the same time. So I guess this is just going to be my word-vomit of questions, because in reality I don't have answers for most things.

I am beginning to fear, not the church itself, but for the church. I just read a blog this morning that shook me, because I keep thinking that I might be able to make the side of me raised by my culture and the side of me raised by the church mesh like old friends. But this blog shook me because I was upset by some of the liberal ideas contained within, and realizing I was upset just made me more upset that maybe I am being close minded. But then again I ask myself, am I? Or am I thinking with the Spirit when I read these things that I think are offensive to the very core of what I believe.

You see, I can absolutely, and do absolutely say that Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, that He loves you where you are, no matter what. Because God is love. Absolutely. He is real, true, relentless, full un-wavering, unconditional to no end, perfect Love. His love is of a magnitude that is impossible in our minds and it is holistic and healing.

What is scaring me, is that we are bringing up a generation (and already have a generation leading) that has been burned by a "religion" and so they take the cultured idea of Love, this idea that love is letting everyone do what they want, believe what they want, and say what they want and we all just smile at each other and pet bunnies, and run with it.

Saying that we should be inclusive is true, all should feel as though they are part of the beautiful story God is writing. But culture has invaded that and begun to tell the Church that everyone should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as we "love" each other, and if we don't allow that, we are horrible. But sometimes love truly hurts...

Saying that we should see each and every human as a human, full of life, love, loss, dreams, and fears is absolutely the epitome of what it means to begin to really love someone. But love is not stagnant. Love calls out love, and thus change. And though it is not our job to EVER change people, it is our job to spur one another towards change and release from sin.

I am sorry but I just can't get on board with love being this idea where "everyone is fine the way they are and lets just smile and listen to each other and then all go to heaven skipping and holding hands because we're all just fine the way we are and there are fluffy bunnies, which sometimes die so that is sad, but that is really it".

Love, true real love, does not mean accepting everyone and everything. I mean, I hope my friends NEVER do that to me. What horrible friends they would be! If I was doing something destructive to myself and others, I would want to know that someone loved me enough to tell me, if I was so oblivious to the harm I was doing. Wouldn't you? And then, would you not hope that, since it is so much more of a precious thing, they would do the same when it came to your soul? People are dying to be known, to know what is missing and to have the void filled. It will never come if we continue to live on each others surface instead of cleaning out the soul.

I can't hand out free passes and tell everyone they are okay. Mostly because I know I am not okay. I am never just "okay as I am." I truly don't believe life, or eternity for that matter, are measured in how much we are just "okay", or how much we are human. Or how much we accept ourselves. Religion is a hard word, so I won't use it. But I hate to use the words "loving each other" because I think we have forgotten what that looks like. I cannot trade in the real freedom I have been given to know I am never finished and that change is beautiful and springs from true love, for the plastic freedom offered by our culture. My soul and brain need a deep cleaning...

Oh My God...

"Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God"

Thank you Jars of Clay, you are what I need today.

This is never what I thought it would be, but better than I ever expected.

God has filled in all the would be holes in my life, and I have nothing left to do but say thank you.

So, thank you God.

You will always know me better than I do.

Things I do:

Thanks to Bittersweet, I am re-prioritizing my life. Realizing that no, I in fact am not Super-woman and so the search for the missing cape and lasso can now end. I see that I cannot do it all, but there are things that are incredibly important to me, so that means there are sacrifices to make in other areas. Nothing really comes easy, especially what you are passionate about, and now I must decide what its worth for me to do the "things I do". So...here are the things that I DO, blogland. Not that you actually wanted to know, but alas, I will tell you anyway.

Things I Do:

1. I make every conscious effort to love God in the best way that I can, and to always keep Him first. I am not saying that I actually do these things well...just that I make it a priority. I do the things that connect me to Him and keep me serving Him with my whole life.

2. I try very hard to do anything and everything I can to support, love on, and hang out with my bff, aka my hubs. I try to encourage his adventures, support his ideas, love him in a way no one else can, and give him the best of myself. I always want to put his needs before mine, and serve his desires first and foremost. And learn to say I'm sorry quicker each day...

3. Make every effort in my week to make time for the people I love. My community is so important to me, and I will 100 percent invest and immerse myself in those people. I do my very best to make each person on my "home team" a priority at least once a week. I want to encourage them, love them, and hear them to the best of my abilities. And it fills me up.

4. I will host any party or get together I can get my hands on. I absolutely love having people at my house. I love feeding them, decorating for them, talking with them, playing games with them. Every part is awesome. Seriously.

5. Always plan parties for my friends. I think you can fill in the rest of this with the above comments. But add in my best friends birthday and I am jumping for joy. I love throwing parties for other people, its my crafty extravagant fun way of saying "I love you, and so do all the people here!"

6. Drink coffee. Everyday. No matter what. I will find a way. I will drink coffee.

7. Stay up late to read a good book or finish a good show. I will sacrifice sleep for either of those things, no questions asked. I love a great read or an enrapturing story line. Totally worth a few hours less of shut eye.

8. Run at least three times a week. I know this sounds crazy, mostly because in High school I proudly wore a pin that said "I gave up jogging because my thighs kept rubbing together and catching my panty hose on fire". This was true for some time, until I discovered the joy of feeling like you are going somewhere. On the days I feel most stuck in my own life, or need to amp up the endorphins, running makes me feel like I am going somewhere, anywhere, like I can accomplish the impossible. Because believe me, it used to feel impossible to run. Now it is a happy addition of much needed inspiration in my week.

9. Take pictures. It makes me happy, it inspires me, and it is changing my outlook on the beauty and mess in life. I love it. It loves me. "Nuff said.

Dear Pedestrians:

Contrary to your belief that you are invincible, or the center of the universe, or both perhaps, you are not. I was going to try and break it to you gently, however, gentle left my body when you decided to stroll your little heart out across every street in the universe and never look left or right.

I mean, did you not go to preschool? Were you sick on the days when they taught you how to walk across a road? Have you ever driven a car? Have you ever even seen another human? Perhaps not, and if this is the case let me give you a few pointers on how to survive the next few years of your life with all your limbs attached.

1. Look both ways. If you had someone in your life that was older than you by ANY amount of time, you should have heard this phrase at some point. If not, you must be super annoying and they withheld this gem of advice from you. But seriously. Look. Both. Ways. Step one to life survival, we all learned it age five, and you, apparently, did not.

2. People are not thinking about you as much as you think they are. You are not a celebrity, therefore, when you walk casually out in the road with your hair blowing in the wind, no one is turning to stare wide eyed and mouth open. And if they are...its probably because they can't believe that you just waltzed in front of their moving vehicle as if you were the Hulk and could stop a giant box of steal with the wave of your hand. Hence, a refer back to survival step one. Look. Both. Ways.

3. Stop. Seriously...if there is a car coming and you are on the edge of your seat with impatience to cross the road, take a moment and reflect on your life. In that moment of reflection, guess what, the car has passed and you may proceed. It happens that quickly. Shocking, yes, I know, the speed at which a car can move. I know that you may be having feelings of uproarous indignation at the moment about human rights and "right of way for pedestrians". Your body is easier to stop than 1000+ pounds of forward moving metal. Trust me, I took physics.

4. Do not presume that I am a psychic. I have never claimed to have such powers, although I appreciate that you think I am just that awesome. If you jump out from behind a parked van to aimlessly wander the road like a lost dog, do not turn haughtily on me with rabid stares because I had to slam on my breaks. I could not see you. Do I look like I have 12 eyes? Because I do not. Remember when you were a kid and you played hide and seek and you thought if you closed your eyes, the person searching for you couldn't see you because you couldn't see them? This is only true in this instance. If you are behind a giant van and cannot see past it, chances are, although my psychic skills are progressing, I still have no idea you are hiding back there waiting to surprise me like it is my birthday. Please do not assume that I will magically know the precise moment you decide to march across the street without looking...I would love for you to continue in your life. Help me help you.

Well kids, I hope todays lesson has been both educational and fun! See you next week.

for the man in my life:

you are my best friend. you are my safe spot when i am sleeping, and my personal electric blanket. you make me think i am funny when I am actually absurdly awkward.

you cook for me even after you have had a longer day than I have, because I am lazy.

you leave your stuff everywhere and I find it absurd but so endearing.

you let me quit folding your t-shirts the way you like them, so I can get done folding faster.

this song. is for you. from me...and Brett Dennen, because he wrote it.

You can put a stick in my spokes,

I can be the butt of your jokes,

I can be the laughing stock, I can be the hoax,

But I ain't gonna lose you

No I ain't gonna lose you,

They can come and tear my house down,

They can run me out of town,

They can tie me up, call me a clown

But I ain't gonna lose you,

No, I ain't gonna lose you

They can make me turn my back on my friends,

Send me away to San Quentin

Put me in the hole thousand times again

Oh, I ain't gonna lose you

No, I ain't gonna lose you

Throw me in the hurricane

Tell the whole world I've gone insane

Run an electric shock to my brain

But I ain't gonna lose you

No I ain't gonna lose you

Things that I simply adore.

I know that maybe no one else in blog land cares. I also know that in real land, no one but my two dogs care...and even they get bored within five minutes and proceed to sniff inappropriate things. However, I just love to share the things that I love, so travel on back to kindergarten with me and lets have a show and tell. I promise I did not bring my pet tarantula...which, side note, why on EARTH did anyone ever have that as a pet? It wasn't bad enough that you already had social problems so you went and bought a giant fuzzy spider just to seal the deal? Bad move. Ok...now for the things I love.

Waking up early on Saturdays and putting on my favorite sweater, then going to sit on my back patio. There really is nothing better, especially if you throw in my morning caffination fix.

Pumpkins.

Really soft sweaters, of any color. But the kind that either button up or stay open. And pockets...i love pockets on them.

Dead leaves. The smell, the sound. So much so that I even like to rake. But only my own yard so please don't get any bright ideas.

Buying flowers.

Making playlists on itunes for each mood I am in.

Cooking anything that has rosemary in it.

The idea of a road-trip. Up and leaving. Throwing it in your car, packing some snacks and sunscreen, as well as a raincoat. Putting on just the right music, grabbing your bff and driving on down the old yellow divided road. When will I ever realize this dream? Who knows...Is this dream realisitc? Well let me answer that with another question...am I ever realisitc?

Reaaaallllyyy tall trees. The kind that make you realize you are only human.

Chai.

Cotton sheets

Robin's egg blue

Getting dirty.

Not showering.

Using excessive amounts of Fabreeze on almost anything.

Cuddle time with my puppies.

The smell of books, new and old.

Finding something I love on sale.

Paisley prints.

Going barefoot.

Halloween. SO much that I only wish I had cable during the month of October so I could watch ABC families 13 days of Halloween. Yup. That is a true confession.

A really, really crisp apple.

Coffee+friend.

A vase I have had since I was twelve that still contains three forlorn looking fake black eyed susans. It was the first creative thing I made that I liked, ever. And so it stays, immortalized for all time on my bookshelf.

My clumsy, sad, cluttered guestroom. I have no idea why. There are books strewn half-hazardly across my shelves, and empty window seat with one pillow, a hideous built in closet, a half empty dresser, two dog kennels, one keyboard and gross carpet. But, whenever I want peace, to pray, or to just meditate, this is the room I lay on the floor in. ahhh....

Cards. I love cards. Reading them, finding good ones for other people, writing them. THey are perfect.

Bookstores. And Libraries. Never go with me if you intend on leaving this century, ain't gonna happen.

Old Buildings.

Funfetti.

Our generation is one of the first to be desensitized to true, gritty, raw, beauty. I truly believe that. Our addiction to our TV's and books without words has lead us to a place where we have forgotten the majesty and wonder of our Creator.

I don't believe God created the Redwoods so we could glimpse them on our small and slightly pixilated Sony flatscreen. He did not sculpt the mountains from His pure imagination so we could watch a movie called Everest and live vicariously through the people who actually step outside and get a little messy. I am certain that love was not intended to always include lust and nudity, that marriage was not intended to be placed on the same "decision shelf" that we put the choice of wether or not to buy another pair of shoes. That real color was meant to be felt, tasted, smelled, as well as seen.

You might know what I am saying. The smell of brown. What is that to you? For me, the earth under the pine in my back yard. But only just after it has rained does it really smell brown. True earthy brown. Maybe your brown is fresh brownies, summer in a wheat field, fresh cut wood. Or perhaps your color smell is orange. Fresh pumpkins ready for picking. Hay wagons for riding and jack-o-lanterns lining the children laden streets, all hankering for more candy. Or your orange could be the ripest of citrus, bursting with summer and flavor. The golden orange sun hanging low on a late summer eve. Whatever your color of choice, you know its smell.

This is what we were designed for. The black box we stare into for our escape, fulfillment, sense of any emotion at all, it is stealing from us. The flatness of our eyes reflects too many hours of what I am doing even now, staring into a picture of a picture of the real life that is waiting outside my curtain laden window. We were meant to see with our eyes if we can, hear real sounds with our ears if we can, to smell and touch. We are created and physical, if yet frail, beings. Let us join our spirits with the wonderful things God has given us in the here and now and give numbness and its grody little theiving alien fingers a swift kick in the pants. Immediately. And then take princess Jasmine's advice and see a whole new world. Was the disney reference too far? Whoops...

Why I love Desperate Songs...

I have been noticing a trend, year after year. I am pretty sure that I am the last person in my life to arrive at this conclusion (mostly because in my adolescent years you could find me on any day declaring the lyrics to any Dashboard, Jimmy Eat World, or Sufjan song you could find) but I just love emo-type songs.

Ok, before the "daddy doesn't love me hair" and Avril Leveign jokes kick in, hold on a sec and hear me out. I love emotional music, yes, but not the kind of music that you want to mock me for. or maybe you still do, but who cares.

When I was 12 years old, my brother got really good at playing guitar. His fingers would move over the strings and produce something that lifted parts of my heart I didn't even know existed until that day. A single note, and then there were three, four, seven. They wove together creating something so sweet and enchanting, but haunting. In the good way something can be haunting, leaving you feeling an ache for more when it is over. He told me about his heart, his hopes, his sadness, his anger, all without a single word. He introduced me to Goo Goo Dolls and Dave Matthews, Bela Fleck and Phish. He played song after song, music ranging from Creedence Clearwater, to OAR.

Given some of my love for these bands has died, sometimes as popularity rises my love fades. It has nothing to do with being a snob, but mostly with the idea that my secrets were no longer safe in this music. You see, my love affair with music grew ever stronger and more personal with each note and lyric. I could escape here, and no one could find me, because music becomes so deeply personal that it reflects our secret clubhouse handshakes we created when we were five. Everyone everywhere was learning the words and encrouching on my own little secret garden of music that I thought was built just for me. Selfish and foolish, yes, that I thought these songs were mine to have and hide in my heart. But, it created in me the inspiration to create, love, and live hungry for more life and more stories.

I love the kind of music that makes your heart break for no reason. I love the guitar chords that someone strings and twines together telling a story with no words, but at the same time every word it needs. I love imagining the life and blood and sweat behind each moving note. I love the story my imagination creates in the silences and the poetry that pours from someone else's imagination.

More importantly, I love the story a good emo like song tells. I am not a sadist. I love happy music, too. There is just nothing like the bond that is built when someone lets you see them in their rawest, rarest, most vulnerable form. When they share their tragedy in a beautiful and haunting way. I think it is because it reminds me a little of the wonder of God. How He can take anything ugly and make it a beautiful thing, nay, create beauty springing forth like mad from it. I do not enjoy others pain, I enjoy being able to connect with someone at the most basic human level. The level where we need each other, need love, and need to know it will be ok. There is hope and though all our stories are unique, we are not so different after all, underneath it all.

I love heartbreakingly beautiful songs, and for this, I find a new way to love the people around me in a most gracious, glorious, and God given way.

Some days, try as I might to remember "The Little Engine That Could", I just feel stuck on a one way track to a dead end. Not in such a depressing "my life is over" kind of way. I mean, I am still chugging along without a hitch at the moment, so that is something to be thankful for. But some days I wake up and think, "God, is this it?"

However much I may remind myself that this is not forever, the days seem to stretch before me with nothing on the horizon, like a drive through the fields of Illinois.

I know this is life, I don't need reminding. Some days though, I just keep waiting for the road sign to point me to that wonderful fork in the road.

resonating with my heart...

Lately I've been 

waking to the blueset dawns 

that i once slept through. 

The morning hangs 

like open chords

 that I fell in with my own thoughts and words.  

I used to worry all the time, 

But I slowed down to live my life, 

to live my life now.  

College campus and warmest grass, 

we sit and watch the people rush to class. 

When did we decide that had to be 

all facts and chance that we lost mystery?  

We used to worry all the time, 

but we slowed down to live our lives,

 to live our lives now.  

Nobody Knows Me at all...

I know this sounds all emo-schemo like, but, even though I am usually entirely vulnerable, there are way to many moments that words evade me. Seems weird coming from blog central over here, but so often, I find something deep within me that no word can truly encompass. I guess that is why I get so creative.

Sometimes, with my pictures and my crafts, I feel like I get to reveal those things without saying a word. When I type, I have the magic delete button that makes things feel like they never were, and gives me the ability to work and work and work the english language bending it to just the exact position I need it to be. So I can show you the parts of me that are hidden deep inside.

And even though I am surrounded by the most wonderful beautiful friends and family a girl could ever dream up, there are those moments that I know, nobody knows me at all.

I think God did that on purpose, to set us all apart, and force us to all work together. To say what needs to be said. We are connected in the ways we can't speak, write, think or create. And because of the times we can't, we find the other people who can. And so God builds His kingdom. It helps me find the right things to say and see, and hopefully, it helps you see the rest of me...

Everyday. Wandering.

I am trying this thing where I just write everyday, even if it is the most fantastically horrible and boring post in the history of written word. I figure every once in a while I will have a gem or two to actually not put you to sleep with...so read at your own risk. Just try to do it sitting up if you are already really sleepy.

It is August. The days are filling with deeper smells of dead leaves in the earliest form of fall, and the world around me is anticipating the arrival of September. It has been one year since Jared took his job at Centric. And for the first time in one year, I feel settled.

I can take out my little life mirror and glance backwards at where I just was, and make everyone jealous of my tremendously unstable life the past year. But, six jobs later (and several attempts to make it seven and eight...) I sit a two-dog-home-owning-full-time-working-long-sentance-writing-wife. O yeah, and I am in Indianapolis.

What have I learned? Is there a page limit on blog posts? Just making sure the novel I am about to write will fit...thats all. I guess I will just tell it short and sweet, as best I can. Here is my current list of life moments that need post-it's, so I don't forget them again.

1. You can't take it with you...no seriously, if it doesn't fit in your car and moving truck you can't take it with you.

With so many houses in the past year, so many life changes, so many freaking non-permanent situations in my life I was getting desperate enough to buy post-it notes just to remember what it felt like for something to stick. But, what I was so desperately trying to hold onto was an unrealistic idea of my life. More like a vision that sat in a little picture frame above my life, taunting me with its perfect painted figures in their skinny jeans (jerks) and pasty white smiles of glee. Not. Real. Ok, not that I am sitting here wallowing like a little emo kid, just saying, reality is an ever changing present that produces an absolutely unknown future. And I just have to deal. It really can be pretty awesome, the whole adventure of not knowing. It has taught me something really valuable. Use your personal life sticky notes for what really matters. Your friends (a million blessings of love and relation a billion times over). Your family, no matter how small (like just me and Jared) or large (like my aunt and her 7 kids...what?!) Trust me, after packing and unpacking 4 times in one year, you start to really evaluate how important that old tea towel really is to you. And how important the people around you come to be.

2. Do things that remind you "Hey, I'm good at stuff!"

After losing myself amongst the clutter of too many childhood items finding their way into my spare bedroom (what was I saving all that for) and not time to plug myself into anything, I hopped on the "my life is pointless train" and refused to get off even when the train station closed down. Graduating college is crazy enough. Graduating college and working a job that makes you think "Hey, I suck at things!" really just puts a damper on the whole "world at your fingertips" mantra. After my long overstayed train ride on the Pointless Express, a dear friend shook me from my stupor by telling me to do something I was good at. I know this seems obvious, but I ran out of my sticky notes before putting one on that idea, okay? So I did. And it was beyond fantastic. I like to take pictures, so I got a camera and, tada, pretty pictures oozing with my creative eye have been reeling out of my computer ever since. I love music; so I got a keyboard (as a gift) and began to write 1/2's and 1/4's of the most terrible songs ever that should never be heard by anyone who actually has functioning ears. But I loved it. I felt alive. I volunteered to love on people every week, to teach up and disciple and pour myself out. It was life changing. I do cartwheels just because I can. I crack jokes because I think I am hilarious and other people laugh at me for this, who cares if they actually think I am funny. I write in my blog because I think words are cool. I chat it up with anyone and everyone because who doesn't need a good conversation? Needless to say, I haven't used my round-trip ticket for the Pointless express in quite some time.

3. Comm.un.it.y.

Do it. Stop fighting it and trying to be "cool" and "different". Why? Because you end up looking like a fool. A fool who has nothing left when they wake up one day after all of their cool and different days. Thats when you realize you are totes not cool or different. Get with it now and don't regret it later. Live life with people. Deal with the fact that they will let you down and get over it, you let people down, too. Such is life. And let me tell you all the lows are totally worth the highs. All the "let downs" are actually beautiful reminders that we are all journeying together towards the same end. Love. Lovely, lovely, love. Sympathy, grace. And someone to punch you when you need a good right hook of sense. Someone to hug you when you need a good two arms of understanding. Someone to support you when you need to legs worth of crutches. Looking at my life with some of the girls who have defined much of my stumbling through my own life, I couldn't paint a better picture of the perfect way to look back on a life actually lived and the joy it brings me. Actually, just take like 12 of your personal life post-it's and label them "community, duh you idiot". I wish I would have enacted this rule sooner.

4. Do pointless nothing's and revel in it.

Drive and listen to music with your windows down and sing really loud. Dance in the car, in your house, with your friends. Fart and giggle. Play dress up. Drink tea and coffee outside at night. Stay up really late for no reason. Read a book when you should work on something. Lay out and look at the stars once a month. Climb on the roof to get a new perspective. Paint a room in your house. Lay on your couch and eat a piece of cake. Or just listen to music. Or nothing. Go for a walk alone. Or go with your best friend. Wear your favorite color. Start a blog. Smell the air with your eyes closed. Walk around the grocery store for fun. Ride the carousel at age 23 and let everyone else judge you. Lets be honest, they wish they had the same cool personal life post-its that you do.

5. Be completely vulnerable with at least one person...or two.

Find at least one person that, even at your ugliest moments, you don't lie. FInd someone you can't lie to, or hide from. That way the game of life peek-a-boo, now-you-see-me-now-you-don't that wears us all down is far removed and not even an option on this post it. Let someone love you like you are. It is by far the most refreshing, earth shattering post-it there is. Quite a heavy duty post-it if you know what I am sying.

6. Tell the people you love just that. That you love them. And tell them you like them, too.

You think hair cut day makes you feel awesome? Try having someone tell you everyday that they like you, and even better, they love you too. Whew. Sign me up for that post it because I feel quite fantastical as the first day of fall, plus some, when I hear this. Don't you?You can never say it enough. I am not all mushy gushy, but you can never go overkill on this one. I love hearing that I am awesome, even if I don't always think it.

7. Celebrate every little moment.

Find any and every excuse to make the little things the happiest things. Celebrate a good day. Celebrate excellent friendships. Celebrate awesome food. Celebrate your favorite holiday, time of year, favorite book or show. Celebrate a rainy day, or a sunny one. Live for it. If its your rain boots that make it perfection then, honey, you put those rain boots on. Now. Post-it those babies.

For now, my list of must post-it life moments is at a close...some day I will add more, as I learn more. Lets face it, I have a lot of learning to do, and several personal life post-its waiting to be used.

Photographs

A boring black box full of buttons; this is my inspiration. This is my way of knowing that all is not lost.

My camera.

It is really nothing special but it amazes me every time. This little black box can create something worth looking at. It is ordinary at best, but this little guy has been changing my life.

Most days I feel pretty gross, I can sympathize with Mr. Yuck quite often. My Charlie-Brown- esque life approach reminds me too often that I am ordinary, and usually err on the side of downright ugly; nasty even. But my little camera reminds me there are things to be seen, beauty to be found amongst some pretty nasty stuff.

I just hope, when God looks at me, He sees what I see in a photo. I hope He sees that even though there is a lot of mess, ugly and nastiness, there is oddly something beautiful that can be seen underneath it all. I hope that it can all just fade away until all that is left is a beautiful portrait of an ordinarily hopeless girl.

Anticipation...

Today, I feel stuck. So to feel unstuck, I am looking to the season of change to bring its funtivity-wonderfulness back into my life.

This has really become and unhealthy obsession, but fall is everything I want to be when I grow up. Is that weird?

Like I actually need a reason to dress up my dog...but at least this time of year gives me a somewhat legitimate excuse. Also, it helps me to chronicle the many creepy faces of Jared. What is this face?

y.u.m.m.y. all that needs be said.

Watching fall movies about my favorite fictional character? yes, please.

Dear fall, you hold all my hopes and dreams. We will always be best friends, unless you make me mad by snowing. In which case, friendship over. But since you have yet to fail me, please come visit soon.

Love Cait

I think if I ever write a book, it will revolve around my car. Mostly because most of my significant moments have happened in a car...mostly in my cars. Old Roy set the trend and now it has moved onto my lovely lil 'bishi. No matter what type of weird old car I drive, I have a strange and wonderful connection to each one. And so many of my thoughts, friendships, and loves occur or develop in those two worn, grey, front seats.

Often, driving, I wonder, does anyone else ever think about the cars around them? Not in the sense of thinking "what a lame driver, umm there are yellow lines because of people like you, hello, red light!" ( mostly because I am that person if you say those things). I mean, do you ever think, "That person has a past, present and future. That person has a life going forward, and a story that isn't mine. That person has love, and loss, and something to teach me."

I think this so often that sometimes I think I am creepily obsessed with strangers, but really, I am just obsessed with the symphony God is writing. And I so badly want to see all of the parts tied together in the grand finale. So, God, thank you that we all have a part, thank you that we are not all violinists or play the bass. Thank you that there is percussion and color.

Thank you, that the story is so different yet so beautifully blended. Thank you that it is not over yet....

Dear Anne, Thanks for making me remember when I wrote this...I need to remember my own advice

if you want unity, remember your own imperfections...

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Friday, March 6, 2009 at 12:13am | Edit Note | Delete

Marriage. Some people hate the idea, some people are peeing their pants waiting for their turn, some people are reading this thinking, "wait...marriage, Oh my gosh I forgot that even happens." Whatever the stage of life, at some time it will encounter your day to day. There are a few words I want to say about it, as I approach my becoming a Mrs.

I truly used to believe marriage was the easy way out. That being single and independent was so much more admirable and desirable. That there was more sacrifice and dignity in being single and "proud of it". There is absolutely nothing wrong with single-dom, it is a magnificent and beautiful time to do amazing things. It is a growth period I would not have traded a moment of. Single-dom is an amazing time to be enjoyed and reveled in. But I was absolutely wrong in every way.

As beautiful and exciting as being single is, I would not trade my wonderful experience with Jared for another moment of it. Of course, there are days where my free-spirit springs forth inside me in an illogical way, wanting to drive and end up no where just because. Don't get me wrong, I still get to keep my free spirit, and Jared even encourages it. But I have taught it to be useful rather than useless. To people who are single and love it, GOOD FOR YOU, keep loving it and living in it. Keep serving with your whole heart. For those of you who are single and hate it, be patient, there is something to learn here, and the result will be breathtaking.

For those who, like me, are now walking into the crazy-biggest decision of their lives, do not let anyone make you feel less of a person for this. Relationships are meant to refine, renew, teach, and grow our spirits to look most like Jesus. There is no loss of dignity in this. For so long I let people treat me as though I had no independence or thoughts of my own because of my love for Jared and my desire to be his wife. Yet, I encourage you all, to see this as a chance for me, and hopefully someday for all of you, to serve someone so intrinsically that it changes your being into something more beautiful. I know it will be trying, it already has been, and it is supposed to be. Being refined by God is never easy. However the product is always beautiful.

I hope that everyone can look at themselves and see within them the beauty of the stage of life God has placed them in for the time being. I hope we can step back and acknowledge, enjoy; even revel in our state of being and the growth it is bringing us, instead of longing for something else. More than anything, I hope, as women of God, we can look at other women and appreciate the stage of life they are in without labeling it "single" or "married" or "desperate" or any of the other silly things we like to do. We are all women, journeying towards the same end; to love, be loved, and know we are serving our God. No one is perfect, so God refines us. Let us encourage one another in our refinements, whether they look the same or not. And please, let us remember that women are mighty, mighty vessels of God, in any relationship, if we so choose to allow Him into our hearts and use us.

God, You are...

My freedom and my adventure. What makes me fall in love with you every day? Let me tell you...

The earth, the smell of the soil and the grass. Especially after a rainstorm. Even better when there are still crystal clear droplets lingering on a pine tree. One that smells like a real pine tree, heavy brown bark, deep evergreen, tall and towering, like pine trees should be.

Fall. Every single part of it. The way you color the leaves and the sky at sunset. The way grey clouds make me feel cozy and full, only the way they can this time of year. Pumpkins that look like they could pummel small children (not that I would do that with them haha). Apples and the smell of each one floating together in an orchard. The way cinnamon never smells any better than in October.

The first snowfall. The way it seems to reflect the moon all night long and quiet every sound into a pillow soft disturbance. The way hot chocolate tastes after a day of sledding or ice skating. Sorry winter...that is all I like about you...if there were a season contest, you lose, hands down.

Rainy days and star filled nights. The softness of fresh grass, the smell of lilacs outside my window. The shape of mountains and the feel of fresh air. The warmth of the sunshine, the sound of music. The beauty and courage of bold colored flowers and trees.

If there ever was an artist to take after, I would want to take my creative side from you...

I suppose I am not so unique. I am not so interesting or out of the ordinary. But what surprises me the most is the unique-ness of those who think of their lives as nothing but ordinary. The ability that one person has to influence and entire generation, the ability that one life has to effect the lives of at least three others in my case. What happened to my family, nothing weird in this age of life, a divorce, has forever altered the path and lives of my mother, me and my brother. And because of that, decided the future of my husband my children and their children.

If not for the tearing of my family, my life would reflect an entirely different lifestyle. I can't say that I am grateful for all that befell us, but I am gratefull for a God that makes all things new.

It makes me begin to wonder, though, about all the children, parents, wives and husbands, who experience the rejection, fear, pain, misunderstanding and confusion of what happens when someone leaves. Death, sickness, age, choice. I feel like everywhere I turn I am met by one of these circumstances that have made a perfect childhood a mess. We are all suffering from some form of these in our family, and the effects that they have brought upon our loved ones. So, do we run, do we wear them as a badge? Or do we simply offer them up as life circumstance?

I propose none of the above. It is amazing to me, so fascinating and an infatuation of my heart and mind to know and love the stories of those around me. And so I propose this. That we love the hurt. That we cherish it as a part of the fall and that we see it as a part of something God will someday restore and make new. That each brokeness is one more chance to love more than we thought our hearts could handle. To know each other in this life deeper than we expected. To rid ourselves of one more pride than we wanted to let go of. Fear has no place here, in these unexpected moments of love and vulnerability.

And it is here that I remember why I am so deeply in love with God's creation, and his plan.

Not as long as I live...

Six years ago I was at a concert with four good friends. It was the summer before college, the whole world lay at my fingertips and I was genuinely smiling. It rained, and we danced. I don't remember a whole lot else from that night, just bits and pieces strung together through my photographs and blotchy memory. But I do remember, it rained, and we danced, and I thought not another summer night could top this one. Not as long as I lived.

Four years ago I was at my boyfriends house. He lived in the country, the sun was setting and the sky was painted with the most beautiful colors I have ever seen. It was rose and gold and orange and the faintest of twinkling blues. The stars were just starting right above a full moon and that boy kissed me. I don't remember a whole lot from that night either, just a photo and the smells of summer in the midwest. But I do remember that moon and the sky, and I thought not another summer night could top this one. Not as long as I lived.

Two years ago I was on a trip with my church. I had grown and had loved every minute, but someone was back home waiting for me. It was humid and smelled of grass, just like every summer in Indiana. We rode a bus home and made bracelets, but when I got off the bus my heart leapt. I felt like all was right in the world because my best friend was there to hug me for a whole five minutes and smile at me. To remind me about love. I don't remember a whole lot from that night, just the bracelets that I still have in my jewelry box. But I do remember the smell of his clothes and the feel of the air, and I thought not another summer night could top this one. Not as long as I lived.

One year ago I got out of bed at 5:00 am after a sleepless night of anticipation, tired but giddy. I grabbed my bag full of makeup, my dress and my shoes, put on a hoodie and had my mom drive me to my friend Claire's house. I walked in to a home full of people I love, the smell of coffee, and the knowledge that in a few short hours time, after pictures and music and lots of hugs, I would be married to the best man I know and the love of my life. I feel like I remember every second of that day sometimes, but what I remember the most is knowing, that truly, not another summer night could top this one. Not as long as I live.

Pirates...

When I was a little girl I wrote a story. It was an adventure about pirates and treasure. Although reading it today I discovered how terribly awful it must be for second grade teachers to try and make sense of the garbled mess that is an 8 year olds story, the praise I received from an extremely boring story still resonates with me today. Why? Because, no one anywhere has ever written that specific story. No one was apart of my imagination in the way that extremely wide ruled piece of paper was.

Don't worry it gets better. The more I reminisce about this story, the more I realize what kind of God I believe in.

I think in all my human small-mindedness I often forget God's big anti-boxable-big-minded-ness. In fact, I will venture to say we all forget about how big God really is. Who exactly am I sitting here trying to define the One beyond all knowledge, love, truth, and life? I mean, I must look like a tiny little ant that is screaming up at a large confused human. Because I would be confused if there was an ant screaming up at me, and possibly a little scared...just saying.

Well, truthfully I don't know. Actually I should broaden that statement. I don't know about a lot of things anymore. I don't even know if I can tell you what it is I don't know. I don't even know if I believe you when you tell me the way things are, or the way things should be done, because, I just don't know about making definite statements about a God bigger than all the Universe. I am beginning to feel like that is a bit dangerous.

I can tell you, though, what I think. Much like my story, much like my unique imagination, God who is the craftiest crafter of us all has us beat at our own game of individuality. He went ahead and made that for us, by creating us all. I guess this is the root of it for me. It pains me to see people stamping out individuality. It pains me to see people striving for "individuality" when they are already beautifully so, but have been terrified by too many people to revel in it.

Don't you get it? God wrote a big story, called redemption. But God also wrote a mini-story. About you. He is still writing it. But it's title is "insert your name here plus me, God, because I am writing it". It is not, "Insert your name here plus everyone else's opinion and ideas about who you should be". Because of that, I am free.

My pirate story will never be a best-seller (sorry to disappoint you). My pirate story may not even make sense to you. But it is my pirate story, and it came from me and the brain God designed knowing one day, it would imagine an adventure about pirates and treasure. And he smiled, knowing, that though no one else may ever care about this story, no one else would ever write one like it. Much like no one will ever write a life story like yours, or mine. So I guess, what I am trying to say, go be your own pirate story and rejoice in the freedom of knowing God wanted it that way in the first place.

Love Cait.

Overwhelmed: bury or drown beneath a huge mass.

I couldn't have said it better myself, dear old friend Webster's. And I am quickly beginning to see that my perception of adult hood, standing in my little patent shoes and pink tutu peering out from childhood oh so many years ago, is flawed and perhaps completely misunderstood.

But even as confusing as this all seems some days, as overwhelming as it is, as mysterious and foggy as my bright little future appears, I know it can all change in a moments notice. And with that in mind, with some hope over the horizen of mystery in the Morgan life...with that in my mind I survive the overwhelming everyday of my own little adulthood.

You are the best thing...

Many moons ago, around this time of year, there was someone in my life who wrote me a letter. It was not the next great american novel. It was not an essay that changed the world as we knew it. It was not even a bestselling book. But, to me, it was like a melody to my heart. And, I do believe, this letter forever altered my life.

"You will probably never know how much you truly mean to me. Words cannot express the feelings that I have for you. Sometimes, I don't even understand it cause it doesn't really make sense...but at the same time it makes perfect sense and it's then that I realize that this is God's plan. Whether we are together forever, or break up and never talk again, I know that I will love you forever."

Eleven months into our marriage, these words still sound like a lullaby. This letter still reminds me of how much God had in store for me, of why I am who I am, and how much I have to be grateful for. This letter reminds me of why I said "yes" and "I do"; and why, almost a year later, I still can't imagine a better man, best friend, or life.

Dear Jared, you are the best thing...

Meet some people that I adore...

There are many reasons, added to daily, why I love this girl. I think this picture captures 99% of those reasons. Dear Anne Wilson, my life would be less funny, sincere, and inspiring without you.

If you don't know her, you probably live under a rock. Stephanie Norwood, the sunshine in everyone's life. Don't leave home without her. Life equals way less love without you. She will support me to the moon and back for eternity...for that I am grateful.

When I am feelin risky and need an accomplice, or when I need some qui

et friend time. Maybe if I feel like dancing, or know I just need to chill...Erin you are a Jack

of all trades. I am pretty sure you defined the words nifty and thrifty. Also...

pretty sure your nick name should be prayer warrior of life...and encourager of all.

But wait! I can't forget this gem! Maria, with your unforgettable dance solos,

amazing creativity, and overall amazing ability to make me feel loved no matter what. What would I do without a little bit of you in my life?

If no one can make me laugh on the darkest of dreary days where razor blades seem to fall from

the skies, have no fear,

Laura is here. But if Laura isn't in town to

lift my spirits, I turn to none

other than Josh Benfo. One classy guy with more jokes than a clown. And a pretty darn awesome friend...encouragement central.

However, I can't forget another class act, none other than Kyle, who not only cracks me up, but is indeed,

an amazing friend to my hubs and me. And his level of obsession with his awesome dog makes me feel a little more normal.

The sweetest most genuine girl I have yet to have met, Lauren Neese. If ever there is an encourager and lover in this world, if ever someone needed inspired to be passionate, Lauren Neese could make it happen. I love this girl...and the fact that she will watch Gilmore Girls with me until it dies.

Last, but not least, you know who it is. No, not Olive. It's the hubs. The best person I know. The most competitive "non-competitive"

man I know. The best dishwasher

around, and my bestie for the restie.